Bonified Beauty

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Ephesians 1:15-16 NIV [15] For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God's people, [16] I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.

Faith doesn't guarantee a struggle free life or put a forcefield around you to keep life struggles away, it is a promise that for your faith he will be carrying you through it all! Without struggles God would have no glory in the triumphs. 

Isaiah 41:10 NIV So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I just got to talk to my baby. If you know me, you know I have lots of babies, but today is my oldests birthday. Kami, you know me, you know I cry on every single one of your birthdays. Today is a little different and so much more intense than any other. Baby girl, you have been through and triumphed over the hell your father and I have put you through. Who you have become all on your own is such an inspiration ...like I said on the phone I am so very proud of you. Not the kind of pride that says "hey, look what I did" no honey, this is me just so very proud of your endurance and ability to keep a heart and compassion for others with what you have witnessed and endured throughout your life. You turned your lemons into lemonaide sweetheart! I have been in all senses of the word reminiscing and reliving the day of your birth since yesterday. You have been so very stubborn and headstrong from conception. I had morning sickness, heartburn leg cramps, you name it girly you gave i...

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NIV [3] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, [4] who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. [5] For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. [6] If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. [7] And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us                                                                                   Acts 17:27

Have you ever felt lost? Well, not really lost but confused?  Lately it's like my brain is stuck in the spin cycle of a washing machine. Just goes round and round. The thoughts never stop, the worries never cease.  Why? I am a woman who believes completely that God is the one in control, yet I still sit here spinning. How? How do I let go of all these things that keep me from complete abandon? I want to surrender to The Lord, I want to give him all these pieces of me he wishes to receive. I want my life to be for him, and completely understand that anything that we put before him is considered an idol, and you cannot be fully blessed with the presence of God in your life until you give him everything.  The past few months have been wrought with so much stress, confusion, and pain that I have become almost catatonic. I find myself sitting there staring at walls for answers that never come.  I need you Lord, give me a heart and mind only for you. Calm me Lord, Tell me ...

So many things are going on. At times, feeling completely lost is unavoidable. My children, half of them, are enduring such hardship. As a mom without power to help, it almost unmanageable. However, this mom has the grace of Jesus in her.  Most of the time I feel the power of Jesus coursing through my veins, I feel on fire!   Fire for Jesus. At these times the peace is indescribable. Like the bible says, "peace that surpasses all understanding"  Honestly though, sometimes I lose the fire. I start the looking inside myself for answers. I know that I can do nothing without Christ, yet when times get tough, I'm a hider. I dive into myself. Isolate from most everyone and everything. It's hard not to. Such a habit, a habit that can only bring misery.  I sit here wondering how I end up in this spot so very often with the knowledge I have of the Lords power and grace in my life.  I guess it's just hard to achieve total abandon. To die completely to one's self seems s...

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