The Resistance

So many things are going on. At times, feeling completely lost is unavoidable. My children, half of them, are enduring such hardship. As a mom without power to help, it almost unmanageable. However, this mom has the grace of Jesus in her. 

Most of the time I feel the power of Jesus coursing through my veins, I feel on fire!  
Fire for Jesus. At these times the peace is indescribable. Like the bible says, "peace that surpasses all understanding" 

Honestly though, sometimes I lose the fire. I start the looking inside myself for answers. I know that I can do nothing without Christ, yet when times get tough, I'm a hider. I dive into myself. Isolate from most everyone and everything. It's hard not to. Such a habit, a habit that can only bring misery. 

I sit here wondering how I end up in this spot so very often with the knowledge I have of the Lords power and grace in my life. 

I guess it's just hard to achieve total abandon. To die completely to one's self seems so impossible. The pain in my heart is such a part of me, I don't think I know how to survive without it. 

How do I give that piece of me to God. I want to so bad, but I'm still clinging to it. 

God please help me to let go. Help me to let you chisel those last imperfections from my life so that I may serve you the way I should. 

Father, there are so many depending on me here and in Uganda. I feel overwhelmed and mostly I feel useless. Father I know through you all things are possible. Father thank you so much for the many blessings you have given me. I know I am the daughter of the one true king.

Amen

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