Lord, give me strength
I am being tried today. Just struggling through some resentments. I get going so far in my faith and things are just wonderful, even miraculous. Then something happens like a snide remark from my partner. There is an emerging pattern. The closer I get to God, the more upset and snide he (my partner) becomes.
I believe that the more I study the word of God the closer I can get to him. He is not of this world, therefore the absolute reality of God has been a hard one for my primitive brain to wrap-around. The more I study the history of it all the more the gap between God and I is filled. I am filling the gap literally with his words.
However to be able to do this has turned into such a daily struggle. I feel God pulling me into the word and I have my partner saying he doesn't want me making it such a large part of my life. He just simply doesn't understand that to follow the teaching of my God and savior Jesus Christ, I must wrap myself up in his word and let it become my life.
It is the most difficult thing I have ever done, to be changing my life so drastically coming to the Lord, yet being in a relationship with a man that wants anything but to be in love with the Lord Jesus Christ. It's terrible, we are growing so far apart.
It is said in Galatians 6:9 to not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.
I am trying, trying so hard to be patient, trying to do the work of the Lord, trying to please my children, my mom, my boyfriend, my pastor, the Sanyu Foundation.
What is wrong with this picture? Can you see it?
I am trying to please the wrong people. While I love my boyfriend, my children, my mom, and the Sanyu Foundation, I love the Lord the most. Really, loving him and following him and his teachings are the only things that have ever "worked" for me.
I have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Thought I was anything but ugly. For goodness sake I have been so insecure that a trip to the grocery store would put me into an anxiety attack for fear of buying the wrong thing and being unpleasing to my then husband.
God has liberated me, he has freed me. I have come to realize that the Lord God made me in his image, therefore I am a perfect creation. Through him my whole being will fall into place. I must be strong and even though I have these blockades between me and my God, I need to overcome them.
I must not let my partner dissuade me, I need to carry on with my quest for Christ. It is the one true path to take in life. It is the only path as I see it to the peace I have been craving so endlessly. It seemed such a far reach away, that is until I found God. Peace is right there, right in front of our faces. We need only to open our hearts and our eyes to see.
I will be strong for the God that sacrificed all for me, I will envelop myself so far in the word my partner will have to search for me there. The Lord God loves me, stands by me and protects me, no matter how many times I fall, no matter how many times I fail, He is there to comfort me. Thank God for that!
I believe that the more I study the word of God the closer I can get to him. He is not of this world, therefore the absolute reality of God has been a hard one for my primitive brain to wrap-around. The more I study the history of it all the more the gap between God and I is filled. I am filling the gap literally with his words.
However to be able to do this has turned into such a daily struggle. I feel God pulling me into the word and I have my partner saying he doesn't want me making it such a large part of my life. He just simply doesn't understand that to follow the teaching of my God and savior Jesus Christ, I must wrap myself up in his word and let it become my life.
It is the most difficult thing I have ever done, to be changing my life so drastically coming to the Lord, yet being in a relationship with a man that wants anything but to be in love with the Lord Jesus Christ. It's terrible, we are growing so far apart.
It is said in Galatians 6:9 to not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.
I am trying, trying so hard to be patient, trying to do the work of the Lord, trying to please my children, my mom, my boyfriend, my pastor, the Sanyu Foundation.
What is wrong with this picture? Can you see it?
I am trying to please the wrong people. While I love my boyfriend, my children, my mom, and the Sanyu Foundation, I love the Lord the most. Really, loving him and following him and his teachings are the only things that have ever "worked" for me.
I have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Thought I was anything but ugly. For goodness sake I have been so insecure that a trip to the grocery store would put me into an anxiety attack for fear of buying the wrong thing and being unpleasing to my then husband.
God has liberated me, he has freed me. I have come to realize that the Lord God made me in his image, therefore I am a perfect creation. Through him my whole being will fall into place. I must be strong and even though I have these blockades between me and my God, I need to overcome them.
I must not let my partner dissuade me, I need to carry on with my quest for Christ. It is the one true path to take in life. It is the only path as I see it to the peace I have been craving so endlessly. It seemed such a far reach away, that is until I found God. Peace is right there, right in front of our faces. We need only to open our hearts and our eyes to see.
I will be strong for the God that sacrificed all for me, I will envelop myself so far in the word my partner will have to search for me there. The Lord God loves me, stands by me and protects me, no matter how many times I fall, no matter how many times I fail, He is there to comfort me. Thank God for that!
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